But I use it and you use it so we accept it as legitimate. It is not and never should be, but right now, I think I will use it to explain everything that’s going on and I will accept it as an excuse.

Or maybe I just need to stop lying to myself.

I had a dream yesterday where I was telling someone about how I dreamed about them. I think I actually did dream about that person the night before. It was strange.

(To be lame and quoting something from my last post. I just felt like I could go off on a tangent with this one.)

Imagine that feelings can be prescribed. How awesome that would be. Or what a mayhem it would be. If you have feelings for someone and you can somehow make it so that they were reciprocated. How simply delightful. Theoretically, it’s great. But imagine two people having feelings for the same person and doing something so that the feelings were reciprocated to both. What a disaster! Are the two willing to share?

Which brings me to the curiosity I’ve always had about polygamist societies. One man having three wives, etc. Are the wives not jealous each other? Or were they somehow educated about how sharing is the right thing to do? Baffling.

There was an episode of Boston Legal where one man was “married” to two women. It was a harmonious threesome. One wife was constantly working and tired but liked having the man’s company. The other wife was a homemaker and had time to take care of the kids while the husband was with the other wife. Or the two wives can leave the kids with the husband while they hung out, etc. It worked for them, apparently. I’ve always felt that love was a selfish thing. How can anyone stand the idea of sharing a man/woman with someone else? But I suppose love is supposed to be unselfish (as I read from this one self-help book that my mother recommended, but I will not get into that).

I’m not sure how exactly I got to writing about this but I think I should really get to bed………..

I think I’ve dated a total of about three guys since I’ve been back from Japan. Two years, three guys, not too many, right? Either way. Every time I brought a new guy home, the bro’s gf would make comments like, “Here you go again, messing around with some random guy.” Albeit jokingly, I can hear the disapproving undertone in her words. I really couldn’t care less about what she thinks about me and my guys.

The reason I think she makes those comments? She thinks that a proper lady should be in serious relationships that last a long time and that are en route to marriage. This is where we differ. 1. How “proper” you are is not directly correlated with how long your relationships are. 2. I don’t believe in marriage. 3. I don’t stay in relationships purely for the sake of getting married. 4. I’m never in denial; once I feel like the other party is no longer feeling it, I call it quits. Why waste both of our time? There’s no use working out a problem that can’t really be solved. Feelings are not things to be prescribed. If it’s not there, it’s not there.

Which brings the focus onto their relationship. She must be a fool to think that my bro still has feelings for her. I’m almost certain that she’s lost most if not all of her feelings. Why are they still together? Beats me. I think it’s mainly because they live together and my bro has a hard time kicking her out. It’s convenient, she no longer pays rent, she has a comfortable house to be in, who would give that up? It’s simply pathetic.

In conclusion, I would rather have been with three guys and ending all of the relationships when it’s clear that it’s the end before being stuck with a guy that I am positive no longer has feelings for me for three years and counting.

What gives her the right to judge whether I’m “messing around” or whether I’m serious? It’s not as if I go into any of those relationships wishing that they’d only last mere months. I just don’t like being pathetic when I have the right to choose not to be.

It’s so hard. And I try too hard sometimes. But I like making people laugh, even if they’re laughing at me and I end up getting pissed at them for it. I think that’s why I get along so well with younger kids. I’m so silly that it’s hard for them to tell how old I really am. I have yet to decide if that’s a good or bad thing.

Conversely, I try to be funny in serious situations to ease up the tension. It usually works in a negative way and pisses the other person off because I’m not being serious enough. Fuck that. I’m doing it for your sake. Your steam needs to be let out. And don’t tell me how to handle a situation when you’re obviously not doing a very good job of it.

When did this become a rant?

I will conclude this post with a joke full of hilarity that it’ll literally blow your brains out that my friend Bryan told me a while back:

Q: What do you call pickled bread?

A: ɥƃnop ןןıp

Good day, all.